JOKES FROM JIM WASHBURN AUGUST 2014

Hi Jim,

Wow, there sure are a lot of idiots out there.  LOL.

Mike
On Sunday, 10 August 2014, Jim Washburn 

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From: RODGER

These guys never thought to take a moment to think about what they were about to do.  Well, we do live in a world full of idiots don't we.

DARWIN AWARDS 2014 You will love these especially the last one. DARWIN WOULD BE  PROUD       Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury  News]:   An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to  break a former girlfriend’s windshield, accidentally shot himself  to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his  gut.    Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo  Gazette]:   James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed  in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a  "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a  highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the  source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something,  however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive  shaft."    Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily  Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself  to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a  ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but  grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged  when he drew it to his ear.    Nominee No. 4: [UPI,  Toronto]:   Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of  windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane  with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police  spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the  Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was  explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law  students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window  strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing  partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun  newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of  the 200-man association. A person has to wonder what the dimmer  members of this law firm are like.    Nominee No. 5: [The News of the  Weird]:   Michael Anderson Godwin had spent several years  awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction  before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While  sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small  TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.    Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis  Star]:   A Dunkirk, IN man, using a cigarette lighter to check  the barrel of a muzzleloader, was killed Monday night when the  weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.  Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home  at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54  calibre muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was  using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder  ignited.    Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga,  Ontario]:   A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his  condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23  stories to his death. "Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a  wheelchair when the accident occurred," said Inspector Darcy Honer  of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and  he went over the balcony," Honer said.    Finally, THE WINNER IS!... [Arkansas Democrat  Gazette]:   Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left  the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38  early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the  accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des  Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to  Des Arc after a frog-catching trip. On an overcast Sunday night,  Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men  concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had  burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis  noticed that the .22 calibre bullets from his pistol fit perfectly  into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon  inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate  properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White  River Bridge. After travelling approximately 20 miles, and  just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated,  discharged and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved  sharply right, exited the pavement, and struck a tree. Poole  suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will  require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles,  which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a  broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we  weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we  might be dead," stated Wallis "I've been a trooper for 10  years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I  can't believe that those two would admit how this accident  happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck,  Lavinia Poole (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had  caught and did anyone get them from the truck? Though  Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as  normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued  that Poole did in fact effectively remove himself from the gene  pool.

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Michael